Saturday 02 Aug 2014

I’m Leaving The Country Permanently

That’s right after seeing this story on the Today Show this morning I think I’m finally done.  Apparently people in this country will do just about anything to lose weight.  Anything but diet and exercise of course.  It appears women have started feeding themselves through feeding tubes to lose weight.  That’s right they get a doctor to shove a tube in their nose and feed them as if they were in a coma.  These women will apparently do anything to avoid getting their fat asses on a treadmill.  Here’s a tip for all of you people out there who really wanna lose weight.  If you live in the New York area, like I do, make an appointment with a great weight loss doctor in Chicago and then run there.  If you can’t run that far then walk and you should be fine.  Everyone who is trying to lose weight is always looking for the easiest way out.  Hey I get it sometimes you fall into bad habits or get a little lazy it happens.  But when you realize you have a problem the only way to correct it is by working hard and being disciplined.  I once tipped the scales at a hefty 285 lbs.  I was a fat mess.  The post office demanded I get my own zip code.  I had a problem so you know what I did?  I put my feet to the pavement and started running and working out.  I also cut my calorie intake from about 6,000 calories daily to about 2,000.  Six months later I was 50 pounds lighter and I did it without the help of a feeding tube.  No liposuction, no south beach diet, no  workout video that’s called “Insanity” or something.  I didn’t do a liquid cleanse diet or a 17 day diet.  I changed my lifestyle.  It’s actually very simple.  Stop stuffing our cake hole and start working out.  Put down the Twinkie, lard ass, and pick up an apple.  Get off the couch, brush the potato chip crumbs off your 2XL t-shirt, and go for a light jog.  If you know anyone who is fed through a feeding tube to lose weight continually tell them how fat you think they look and stop associating yourself with them.  Then alert me and I’ll come and pick them up.  I’ll duct tape them throw them in a van dump them off in Canada.  It’s the only way I’ll be able to continue living in this great nation of ours.

Yea that looks great.  I was wrong.  Before she started using the feeding tube those earrings looked small compared to her head.  Thanks God for the feeding tube.

Leave a Comment