I feel like I’m going to throw up. I no longer simply want my team to win tomorrow……I need it. Two weeks ago I expended so much energy deluding myself into thinking I would be fine with any outcome…..after all, it has been a great season. But things have changed. Now, twice as much energy is going into the effort to convince myself that a win is inevitable. Losing is not an option. And in all of this, I fully recognize the lack of wisdom in investing so much emotion into a pursuit over which I have no control. This is a decent definition of insanity. It is truly fanatical.
Tomorrow my Patriots will take the field against the New York Giants. They’ll be led by a head coach I love, and a QB who is among the best to ever play the position (although seeing him in a Yankees hat and Uggs boots makes him a bit hard to identify with at times). There are so many story lines here, all of which have been fully explored this past week. To delve into them again would only be repetitive. When you turn on the NFL Network and see a Madonna press conference, it is official…….all possible story lines have been exhausted. This isn’t about the game. It is about me.
The big challenge is, of course, my living in New York. I think if I lived in Des Moines, or Portland, or even Boston, I wouldn’t need the win. People in Des Moines don’t do the Victor Cruz dance. At least I hope not. But if my Patriots lose………..my quality of life will deteriorate. Do I hate the Giants? No. But do I want to walk into work on Monday morning, only to see my security guard salsa dancing in an Eli jersey? Ummm…….. And from there; the comparisons, the bravado, the keen analysis, the use of the word elite, and the emails, and the texts. My god, this will not do. A win is the only option.
As my pathetic Patriots evolved into a powerhouse, I found myself happy that they won a Superbowl. I was satisfied. And then two more, and then a shot at another. I was almost feeling greedy by hoping for more. But I’m no longer satisfied. I’ve morphed into the Gordon Gecko of football fans. I’d like to say I’ll enjoy the game tomorrow, but this has become highly unlikely. I have an agenda, no control, and a powerful need. There is only one option.
I feel like I’m going to throw up.