OK As I shared last week my iPod is gone so no Friday shuffle. Instead this week I bring you 10 songs. These are 10 Christmas Songs that have to go. You’ve probably been hearing these songs since just before Thanksgiving. Every year these make me want to pull the hair out of my head. Any suggestions should be noted in the comments.
10. Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You – All I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to die a slow painful death. Somehow this song has reached “Christmas Classic” status and I just don’t get it.
9. The Little Drummer Boy – No version is any better than the other. I’ve always hated this song. I think it’s the dumbest Christmas song there is. Oh and to those that sing the part of the drum I hate you. “Rum pum pum pum” is the sound of my fist hitting your face if you do it in my presence.
8. Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmas Time – I know a guy’s gotta make some money and put out a Christmas album but I think SIr Paul could have done a better job than this. Saying this song is repetitive is an under statement. Saying this song is repetitive is an under statement. Saying this song is repetitive is an under statement. Saying this song is repetitive is an under statement. Dammit I hate this song.
7. The Smashing Pumpkins – Christmastime – Certain bands shouldn’t make Christmas songs. Case and point The Smashing Pumpkins. Despite all my rage I am still going to listen to all my old Pumpkins records and hope this goes away. Oh shit is that a flute I hear in this song? I think I’ll wet my pants.
6. Elvis Presley – Blue Christmas – For some reasons rock icons just can’t do Christmas. Although I guess it’s not all that bad of a song it’s just way too over played. Then again anyone else who does this song seems to suck at it too.
5. John Lennon – Happy X-Mas (War Is Over) – Holy crap is this song depressing. Ex-Beatles just shouldn’t do Christmas music. Those kids that sing on this track sound like they’re singing at gun point. Seriously if you’re depressed because you’re a big fat 29 year old loser with no girlfriend and it’s Christmas time this song is enough to push you right over the edge. Not that I’m speaking from experience though. SIDE NOTE: The video is even more depressing than the song.
4. Bruce Springsteen – Santa Clause Is Coming To Town – Yea it was probably fine when it first came out but this is another victim of being over played. Sorry Bruce but it’s gotta go.
3. Anything Michael Buble Does – So this guy just impersonates Frank Sinatra? WTF is that?! How the hell does a Frank Sinatra impersonator become famous? My drunk uncle used to impersonate Elvis and I don’t see any record companies lining up to sign him.
2. Anything by Kenny G – OUCH! Sorry but every time I hear Kenny I automatically get a toothache. Must be my body’s pavlovian response due to all the times Kenny G was on in my dentist’s office while I was getting a cavity filled.
1. Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas – Isn’t it amazing how when you have so much talent in one room such awful music comes out of it. How do you raise money to fight hunger? Make a shitty Christmas song that’s how. Those little African kids are well aware it’s Christmas they don’t need you telling them. Especially like this. This song will only do them any good if they can some how eat it. Maybe throw a cookie in the CD package or something there that’ll help.