Wednesday 23 Apr 2014

Coach Weighs In – Credit Downgrade

So it seems like everyone is freaked out about our credit rating being downgraded to AA+.  I don’t really know much about how this stuff works but that’s never stopped me from weighing in on anything before.  Call me crazy but AA+ still sounds pretty good to me.  I’m still not sure what the big deal is.  How exactly do these Standard and Poor people come up with the rating anyway?  Sounds to me like they put up a bunch of ratings on a dart board and which ever one it hits that’s the rating.  Maybe they use one of those big spinning wheel type things they use for BINGO games.  Either way we were still downgraded and China yelled at us and now we have to go to our room without supper.  More on China later but right now I’ve got some advice for the government.  You may be asking yourself what makes me so qualified to give advice and I’ll tell you.  First off I’ve had bad credit before and then I’ve gotten back to good credit.  I also used to be reckless with my money and learned how to spend properly.  These are all things Uncle Sam needs to learn.  First off America if you see a weird number on your caller ID don’t answer it.  It’s probably China calling to tell you they’re going to repo your car which brings me to my next point.  Park your car at a friends house for a while until you get back up to AAA+.  The next move for Uncle Sam would be to reign in the spending.  Stop eating out so often.  Maybe you stay in and cook for yourself or go to your parent’s house and have some dinner.  Sure you’ll have to listen to your Mom asking you why you don’t have a girlfriend and why you’re not married yet but you’ll save a bundle in the process.  Next I’d open up a savings account and start putting a little bit in there each week.  It’s very important to open this account in a different bank than your checking account and when you do open it throw away the debit card that goes with it.  You should have no access to your own money clearly you can’t handle it.  If you take these easy steps you’ll be able to deal with China in no time.  As for China I have a few words for you.  How dare you scold us like we’re children.  China said that we should start living within our means.  They’re right maybe we should live in a virtual police state like the Chinese people do.  Even though China might be right in their message it’s still China and they should be the last government to tell us what to do.  I have a few suggestions on they should run their country that they may not want to hear.  Get a few of the Chinese people over here for a week and see where they’d rather live.  If I’m not mistaken China buys our debt for their benefit.  They know we’ll pay them and it keeps their Yaun (or whatever they call their currency) down.  At least that’s how some analysts see it but again I know little about finances.  Any threats of them never loaning to us again is a complete crock.  China can suck it.  If they keep getting out of hand I say we flex our muscle and drop a nuke in the middle Beijing.  Then we’ll see them hop to.  Afterwards they’ll be apologizing I guarantee it.  OK maybe that’s a little harsh but you get the idea.  We shouldn’t let any country speak to us in such a manner let alone a country as effed up as China.  That’s one of the most despicable governments on the planet.  Right behind the Taliban, Iran, North Korea, Libya, Venezuela, and Cuba.  Gee I guess when I list them all like that China doesn’t seem so bad but you get the point .  Boy we have a lot of really crappy governments on this planet.  The Chinese government makes all their money off the backs of their people and for that we should give them the finger.  It’s just a shame the people of China will never even have the chance to see this since the government controls the internet.  Yea sounds like a great place to live.  OK I think I’m done.  The short version of this piece is as follows.  AA+ is still pretty good and really doesn’t mean anything, we need to stop spending so much, and screw China even if they might be a little right.  There that was easy.

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