Sunday 20 Apr 2014

Coach Weighs In – Gay Marriage

OK it’s about time I weigh in on the subject because oh so many people are just dying to know what I have to say.  As we all know New York voted last week to allow gay marriage.  Oh the humanity.  The conservatives are all in a tizzy now and the world might just end before December 21st, 2012.  Not so fast guys I think we’ll be OK.  I’m friends with some great Catholics and Christian people.  I was raised Catholic and went to an all boys Catholic high school (yea that was just tons of fun).  I was always taught that a real marriage is before God in a Catholic Church.  So for the life of me I can’t figure out why a Catholic would care if two gay people want a “fake” wedding outside the church.  Maybe all this time they were lying.  Maybe you don’t need a church to have a real wedding.  Isn’t that what they are implying when they get so upset?  What does anyone care what two gay people are doing?  How does it effect anyone? Now if the gays start knocking on random people’s doors and having sex with each other on our front porches then I might have a problem with it.  But last I checked the only gay dudes I’ve ever seen making out in public were on the “Real World” and the only lesbians I’ve ever seen making out in public were on “The Howard Stern Show” and those chicks were hot.  Now that gays can marry I don’t see anything changing.  The same gays will be doing the same gay things they always did.  They’ll just add and extra gay ring to their gay fingers.  Really it’s just an excuse for them to by more jewelery which is “fabulous” as they say.  I really don’t see straight people converting to homosexuality now so they could get married.  Straight people can already get married remember?  If they were offering the gays something extra for getting married then that would be a problem.  Like if gays got a car when they got married that would be total bull crap.  But they aren’t the only thing they are getting is the exact same thing straight people get.  A relationship that gets immediately boring and stale and a complete assassination of your sex life which will ultimately lead to divorce within five years.  While we’re on the subject one thing I’m against is gay divorce.  No gay is allowed to be divorced for a good ten years.  One gay divorce could ruin the whole thing.  They’ve been whining about it so long that to get a gay divorce would just undermine the whole thing.  Luckily for the gays the vote came just before the gay pride parade in New York City.  This year’s parade overtook a Clay Aiken concert from 2005 as the gayest event in the history of mankind.  It’s going to be a tough one to beat but I here Cher may go on tour again so there is hope.  The greatest argument people make against gay marriage is the typical “Well then where does it end? Are people going to be able to marry their dogs now?”.  Yea that’s it dick head I’m marrying my dog.  As if people are going to line up and start demanding that they marry their cat.  Let’s all just settle down here.  There will still be the same amount of gays as there were before and they’ll still be doing the same amount of gay stuff and you still will probably never see any of it so chill out.  As for you gays out there enjoy your marriages.  Just don’t make out in front of me that sh*it freaks me out.

 

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